Rakebrain December Update

December is here!! And staying in the positive during the holidays is a must! Especially now that people are letting their dogs play poker, it’s easier than ever to make a quick nickel online.

Even though we’re grinding 12 hour days, working on some ‘top secret’ projects, here’s what we can tell you about the current happenings at Rakebrain HQ:  

Poker Training

Okay, normally we aren’t the type to apologize (unless you’re wearing a badge, pointing a gun at us and yelling STOP RESISTING!!) but in this case we completely dropped the ball and are really sorry there was a delay with some member’s poker training subscriptions being set up.

Our boss says the problem started when he hired a bunch of alcoholic degenerate gamblers that surf the internet all day and never work.  After responding with a quick ‘touché’ and showing him this funny letters thread we spent a lot of hours ‘working’ on getting through last month, he created a stupid ‘no drinking’ rule during work hours and blocked twoplustwo from us. :(

Don’t worry though. We hid a mickey in the washroom and still have full access to porn.

Anyways, everyone who had previously qualified has now received their subscriptions and can check out Joe Tall, Ansky and Krantz’s play. They’ve asked us to make some videos but we don’t really like having to ‘dumb down’ our strategies for those guys. However, every Rakebrain member on Fortune Poker, Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet will probably find the strategies and lessons pretty awesome when they earn a free PokerSavvy or Deuces Cracked subscription by reaching $500 net rake in the month of December!

The Rakebrain $5000 + $600 Christmas Bounty Freeroll

We may have lost last month’s bounty tournament that we had, but this month, team Rakebrain will dominate its members in the greatest tournament of all time!

I actually have a flight on 27th, so I’ll most likely donk my stack off again to some lucky member before heading off to the airport. But check out  Rakebrain's special promotions for the qualification details, last month’s 1st place payout was $1250!

That guy owes us big time because we were going to spend the 1st place cash on Remy Martin then take a limo to the club and pick up some fine ladies. Instead we ended up drinking Bud and tilt-spewing a few hundo on Stars for 6 hours. Young, attractive, female Rakebrain members who feel sorry for us should e-mail us pictures of themselves to help cheer us up.

Loldonkaments

This month for our Full Tilt rakeback players, we have a $5,000 Freeroll on December 13th for everyone who qualified last month. And we also have a $100 freeroll open to all members that opt in before the 15th. It takes place on the 20th of December and players will be able to register around the 17th after notifying us they want to play.

Also, there’s another bonus release going through on Full Tilt and players should check their bonus offers before the 6th (tomorrow!) to opt in to the $100 bonus, since bonus clearing + MGR deduction = +EV

Oh and Isildur1 owes us a truck load of money for coaching him in the middle of November. We don’t think he understood our theories fully, but that’s still no reason to stiff us man. We’re taking a break from coaching now but really thought playing Ivey and Antonius would be a walk in the park. Then again, we’re pretty much perfect in every way possible and sometimes forget others aren’t as talented (or attractive) as us. We’ll return your calls about staking when we’re done railing Chiren80’s progress and that whole Bing Blang Blaow thing dies off completely dude. Unless of course we don’t want to…..

Christmas

We’re going to have an update regarding our Christmas break on here sometime before we jet off for our well deserved holidays. If it will affect stats uploads (probably) or if our support will be away (most likely). One thing we can guarantee is that it will not affect your rakeback payments in any way! That’s because we don’t make any of them (lucky you!), our poker rooms do. So we expect everything should be smooth sailing this December and into the New Year for everyone.

We want to wish all of our members good luck at the tables this month (not you non-member lurkers…..we want you to run like Stephen Hawking!) and we hope everyone has a wondurrrrful Christmas!

Rakebrain